My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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