Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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