She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
