you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
