You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
