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I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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