We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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