You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
