If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
