I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
