My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
