Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
