I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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