She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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