Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
