I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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