this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
