You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Michael Bay diarrhea
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
