I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
