Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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