some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
