Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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