I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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