Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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