meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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