I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
