How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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