Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
