We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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