If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
