I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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