I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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