i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A bitchslap is in order.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
