Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
