Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
