I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
