first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
