I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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