you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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