Say something about gay babies.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
