i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
