i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
