I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
