TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
