We won't sleep together?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
