my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
