When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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