By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
