I haven't been this sober since birth.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
