if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
