Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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