he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
