We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
