I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
