I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
